Thai Government Announces Ride Sharing App

And it’s more revolutionary than you might think.

April 01, 2017
Govt-approved UberTANK driver awaits passengers at the roadside

Thailand’s Minister for Transport has announced that the Government will be launching its own ride sharing app to rival Uber.

The move comes after months of tense, chaotic, and frustrating negotiations between a single-term unelected government and one of the world’s most powerful, multinational corporations. Surprisingly for all viewers of the saga, the Thai junta has failed to reach any acceptable outcome with the most valuable startup company on the planet.

The Ministry of Transport has today revealed the details of their alternative to the world-dominating ride-sharing platform: UberTANK

According to the Minister, UberTANK is now ready for market following 12 days of development. A combined working group was established to ready the app for use, including military officials, Transport Ministry workers, taxi drivers, police, tourism officials, transport advocates, bus drivers, toll workers, tuk-tuk drivers, cho-huay owners, motorcycle taxis, and the company that created that app that just tells you they’re rich.

“UberTANK is unique in both its customer experience and operation. We have created something that will stand out on the roads of Thailand,” said spokesman Nowey Thisisreeyal.

“ ...and just in time for Songkran,” he added, completely irrelevant to the announcement.

UberTANK is comprised of a dedicated fleet of Thai-made light armored vehicles (LAV), with some 300 hefty trucks expected to be in operation by the end of the month. The Chaiseri First Win (that’s it’s actual name, look it up) is a 13-tonne, ballistics-protected, four wheel drive vehicle perfect for the city streets. It’s bulletproof exterior and blast-proof undercarriage ensure that all 11 passengers can sit in standstill traffic with blissful peace of mind, safe from the dangers of unregistered, illegal Uber vehicles.
UberTANK vehicles keep you high and dry this monsoon season. Can your Uber do this?
“Uber is not only operating outside of the law in Thailand, they also drive small passenger vehicles that offer no bomb protection, don’t have gun port holes for each passenger, and fit easily through toll gates and narrow sois. UberTANK addresses all of these shortcomings.” says Mr. Thisisreeyal.

The app, launched today on the App Store and Google Play Store, promises a user experience better than that of its competitors, which “totally doesn’t copy any other ride-sharing platform operating illegally in Thailand,” said Mr. Thisisreeyal. Once the app opens without crashing every single damn time, 2Magazine will offer an extended review of the service. Until then,

Editor-in-Chief Napamon Roongwitoo says of the user experience, “F***ing pile of s*** app ruined my f***ing phone s*** god damn it piece of c***”.

She also adds, “Happy April Fools' Day, everyone!”